Eeny… meeny… miny… NO.

Talking to my children.

Me: Don’t forget that mom will be out of town next week, so now’s our chance to eat dinners that would be otherwise vetoed by her. Any choices?

Butterfly: Spaghetti-Os!

Ladybug: Hot dogs and beans!

Me: Beanie weenies?

Ladybug: Yeah!

Me: Would could get those Little Smokey hot dogs and make teenie weenie beanie weenies.

Ladybug: Yeah!

Me: We could also mix it with Mellow Yellow and blue PowerAde to make greenie teeny weenie beanie weenies.

Ladybug: Yeah, that’s enough.

Me: Right.

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Tut, tut, tut

According to The Associated Press, the golden face mask of King Tutankhamun has been irrevocably damaged when curators of the Egyptian Museum in Cairo managed to knock off the mask’s beard.

Even worse, rather than take it back to a conservation lab for repairs, they decided to glue it back themselves on with a quick-drying epoxy. Unfortunately, they failed to set the beard back into its original place before it dried, so according to one of the museum’s conservator, “Now you can see a layer of transparent yellow” between the beard and the chin.

Even more worse, they applied the epoxy so hastily they got it all over Tut’s face too, spattering the golden mask with more transparent yellow goop.  Again, rather than take it back to a conservation lab for repairs, they decided to remove the extra epoxy… with a spatula, effectively scratching up the golden face.

So what did we learn from this?  Well, I guess we know where Chunk got a job after he left the Goon Docks.

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State of the Union 2015: a useful summary

So yesterday was the State of the Union address.  You can read a full and annotated transcript at Politifact, but a short version of it is as follows:

Of course, the highlight of the speech was the President’s wicked ad-lib:

There was also the GOP’s official (and largely content-free) rebuttal by freshman Iowa senator and former pig castrator Joni Ernst:

There was also a word-for-word Spanish translation of the GOP rebuttal as part of the GOP’s outreach to Hispanics. Well, almost word-for-word:

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A birthday puzzle

Saturday was my birthday.

It was a cold and snowy day. When I looked outside at the thermometer, I saw that the temperature was the negative of my age.

“Fahrenheit or Celsius?” asked my wife.

“Doesn’t matter,” I said.

How old am I?

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Idiot box

Apparently, NBC has a new TV show called Constantine, which they claim is based more on the Hellblazer comic books than the lamentable Keanu Reeves movie.  However, after a mere 5 episodes, I can conclusively say that NBC’s Constantine is simply a gritty reboot of the David Tennant era of Doctor Who.

You’ve got the protagonist: a mysterious traveling Englishman with a penchant for skinny suits, trench coats, and tussled hair.

Enigmatic and dark, he nevertheless saves good guys from all manner of monsters using his wits and knowledge of lost cultures and languages (many of them with a definite geometric flavor).

Also psychic paper…

… and his trusty metal light-up gizmo.

Did I mention he’s tormented by choices he’s made that caused the deaths of innocents in the past?

He lives in a quaint little wooded shack…

…that’s bigger on the inside.

Let’s not forget his allies.  First, he requires a sexy female companion to accompany him on his misadventures.

…There’s also the American sidekick who is impervious to death.

Each week, the protagonist and his allies protect the Earth from the rising darkness/oncoming storm, by way of battling assorted monsters, including

possessed women…

ravenous swarms…

Voodoo magic…

…and occasionally Satan himself.

Not convinced yet?  Did I mention the severed hand that brings back dead people?

Yep.  I rest my damn case.

Scene: The Ladybug and I are binge-watching Agents of SHIELD to get caught up on the new season.

She (after three episodes): Wow!  So much has happened to SHIELD!

Me: Tell me about it.

She: I mean… Skye has bangs now!

Me: ….

Scene: The Queen B and I are watching the Weather Channel as we get ready for work.  The morning show is talking about how the forecast East Coast storm will affect travel and sales over the Thanksgiving weekend.

Me: Grumble grumble grumble.  What happened to Thanksgiving?  It used to be a family holiday, but now it’s all about Christmas shopping.  There’s Black Friday.  There’s Cyber Monday.  There’s even Grey Thursday… which used to be Thanksgiving!  And now there’s frickin’ Frito Sunday?

She: What?

Me: It said it on the news crawl at the bottom of the screen — “Cold on Thanksgiving, with wintry conditions on Frito Sunday.”

She: Gimme that remote.

[ She rewinds the DVR and watches. ]

She: You need to relax.  It says “wintry conditions on Fri To Sunday.”

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