Mother’s Day

Early in the week…

Queen B: What I want for Mother’s Day is a clean house when I return home. Not just clean, but scoured.

Me: Okay.

Next few days…

Me: [Scours toilets, sinks, stovetops, vacuums, dusts, disinfects, wood-wipes, etc.]

Sunday morning…

Ladybug and Butterfly: It’s Mother’s Day. Let’s make mom breakfast in bed!

Me: Fine. But if you mess up in any way the kitchen I’ve spent three days cleaning, I shall kill you and present your steam-cleaned corpses as my Mother’s Day present.

… And that’s why we went to the winery for Mother’s Day.

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Now you’re playing with power

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Dread it. Run from it. Destiny still arrives.

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Shoulda gone with “ajar”

Butterfly: Let’s play a rhyming game. I’ll start. “Car.”

Me: “Far.”

BF: “Are.”

Me: “Star.”

BF: “Bar.”

Me: “Afar.”

BF: You already said that.

Me: No, I said “far.” Now I said “afar.”

BF: “Uh-far”?

Me: Yes. It’s an old-fashioned way of saying “far away,” as in “He came from afar.”

BF: Oh. Well then: “uh-uh-far.”

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These are not the graduates you are looking for

Me: I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to take off your helmet for the Commencement Processional.

Student: Mmmmble mmble mmb?

Me: I said, you’re going to have to take off your Clone Trooper helmet for Graduation.

Student: Why?

Me: Because it violates the graduation dress code. Students may not alter the regalia in ways that are obscene, disrespectful, or distracting.

Student: This is disrespectful? Yesterday was Star Wars Day.

Me: No, it’s distracting.

Student: How?

Me: You look like a Clone Trooper.

Student: So?

Me: What kind of Clone Trooper are you? Perhaps you’re a pre-Order 66 trooper, in which case, you’re an ally of Jedi and the Republic, so “Yay, us.”  But maybe you’re a post-Order 66 Clone Trooper, which means you’re nothing more than a murderous, treacherous tool of the Empire.

Student: …

Me: That’s a lot of emotional baggage for everyone else at Graduation to deal with.

Student: Fine. Can I wear at least wear it when I get my diploma?

Me: No. The Civic Center won’t allow it on stage for liability reasons.

Student: This sucks.

Me: Tell you what. I’ll put your helmet over at the photographer’s station. When you get your diploma and walk down the ramp to get your picture, you can grab your helmet then. You can wear it back to your seat. You can wear it for the rest of the ceremony. You can even wear it for your official graduation picture, if you’d like.

Student: Really?

Me: Really. Go out to your graduation a boy, but come back from it a Clone Trooper.

Student: Okay.

The Commencement Committee can be a really weird job.

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