One of the places the Queen B and I visited whilst in the primordial land of Florida was the Thomas Edison winter vacation estate, located on the shore of the Caloosahatchee River. Our guide, who looked remarkably like Edison himself, guided our tour group through the estate, which includes the world’s second largest banyan tree, Edison’s rubber laboratory, and Mina Edison’s botanical garden.
After seeing some of the more exotic plants in the garden, out tour guide took us to the actual vacation house, or rather, houses. He explained, “Edison’s winter estate actually consists of two houses. The first house built on the property, which you can see on the left, was designed by Mr. Edison. The second house, built a year later, is a perfect mirror image copy of the first.”
The tour group nodded knowingly, snapped some pictures, and was about to move on when a woman in the group paused and asked a question that was nagging at her.
“Did Mr. Edison design the second house too?”
Hi everybody!
I’m back from a week in Florida. The Queen B and I headed there to see her family, who, due to a case of curious chronological convenience, celebrates her mother’s birthday, her niece’s birthday, her parent’s 40th anniversary, and Father’s Day all within a single 72 hour period.
Florida is a primordial place, the the land that the Jurassic Period forgot. It’s hot, wet, and green, alive with the buzz of iridescent insects and large lizards. Humanity does not control the environment there so much as tenuously exist next to it. Florida gives the impression that, if you turn you back on it for a second, it will consume your backyard and probably eat your dog too.
Life in Florida during the summer is pretty predictable. By 8 in the morning, the temperature is about 90 degrees with 90% humidity; by noon, this increases to 2200 degrees and 319% humidity. Around this time, the connective tissue that holds your skin to your bones liquefies, which goes a long way to explaining why everyone who lives there looks like this:
They’re are just teenagers in mid-melt.
Nevertheless, despite the crippling heat and abundance of crocodilian critters, the B and I had a good time. I took a lot of pictures, which you can view at Flickr.
The better qualities of Man lay hid in night.
God said, “Let Science be!” and all was light.
Woman 1:
The effects of water saturation on chemical bonds in a weak force field
Archaeologists discover evidence of caste society in ancient Mesopotamia
International symposium outlines guidelines for humane animal experimentation
It did not last: the Devil howling, “Ho!
Let Pop Culture be!” restored the status quo.
Woman 2:
Who is losing the baby weight fastest?
Who has the best cleavage in Hollywood?
What’s new with Brangelina?
Welcome to Northwest Flight 1234 with service from Rapid City to Fort Meyers, Florida.
While there may be fifty ways to leave your lover, there are only four ways to leave the aircraft: one exit near the cockpit, two over the wings, and one at the rear of the cabin.
This is a non-smoking flight. Federal regulations prohibit tampering with, disarming, destroying, or even looking at lavatory smoke detectors.
We ask that when seated you wear your seat belts. To fasten the belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. If have never used a seat belt before, you probably should not be out in public unattended.
The cabin is pressurized for your comfort. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the overhead compartments. Put the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally. Be sure to fasten you mask before helping those who cannot do it themselves, such as small children or your husband.
In the unlikely event of a water landing, your seat bottom may be used as a flotation device. Paddle to shore and keep it with our compliments.
Prior to takeoff, we will be dimming the cabin lights for your comfort and to enhance the attractiveness of the flight crew.
Thank you for flying Northwest Airlines.
During a car ride home, as we pass a friend’s parents’ house
Wife: Hey, it looks like the K.’s are at her parents’. I wonder what they’re doing.
Me: Well, it looks like what appears to be G. loading what appears to be a big bag of grass clippings into what appears to be a pickup truck.
W: That’s what it appears to be?
M: To me at least. I can’t confirm that with 100% certainty, however.
W: [ Pause ]
M: I’m nothing if not precise.
W: You’re a dork.
Watching a movie on TV
Wife: Did you just fart?
Me: Ummm… no?
W: I just I heard you fart.
M: That was the couch. It’s creaking. It’s old.
W: We just bought that couch a year ago.
M: Yeah, but that’s like… 40 in couch years.
W: You’re a dork.
