After our experience with the mind numbing antics of the clientele at our local video store, the Queen B and I decided to head out to the movies instead. Flanked by a Pirates of the Caribbean poster on the left and a Cars poster on the right, we settle into line. Immediately ahead of us at the ticket window is a pair of tweenage girls, repeatedly pointing at various parts Johnny Depp’s face on the Pirates poster and giggling uncontrollably.
The lady behind the counter, who is as ungiddy to be there as the two girls are giddy, watches this display for minute, her face an emotionless display of disdain, which is a pretty neat trick if you can do it. Realizing that if any monetary transaction is going to occur tonight between her and the giggling tweens, she will be the one required to initiate it, the ticket lady addresses the girls.
“Can I help you?”
The question prompts another bout of giggles. Finally, one of the girls composes herself enough to talk. “Umm… hee hee,” she begins. “Can we, like, get two tickets for, like, ummm…?”
Her mind goes, like, totally blank. Her friend, sensing impending social humiliation, does the only appropriate thing: she laughs at her. This causes another fit of uncontrollable giggling.
The lady at the ticket window remains emotionless.
Suddenly, the outgoing tween remembers. “Oh yeah! Like, Pirates of the Caribbean.”
The lady at the counter stares at the girls, and then at the 4 foot Pirates movie poster they just spent the past two minutes giggling at. A pained look crosses her otherwise emotionless face. She moves forward with the transaction.
“Two tickets for the 10:10 showing of Pirates of the Caribbean.”
The second tween gasps. “Ten ten? But isn’t that, like, forever from now?”
The ticket lady indicates the large clock above her, which shows the little hand pointing to the left and the big hand pointing straight down.
The tweens stare blankly.
“It’s 9:30,” the ticket lady says, clearing up the chronographical mystery. She further considers her audience and adds, helpfully, “The movie starts in 40 minutes.”
“Omigod!” exclaims the first tween. “That’s, like, an hour away!”
There’s that pained look again.
On further reflection, the second tween adds, “Gah. Isn’t there another one?”
“The only other showing tonight is at 9:00.”
The first tween considers this. “But that’s like, only a half hour from now. We’ll take two of those.”
The ticket lady winces again, takes their money and hands them their tickets. As the B and I step up to the counter to buy our tickets, the tweens pass by, and I hear the following.
“What a bitch. She was, like, totally trying to scam us into waiting longer.”