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08.29.2006

Back to school

Well, time for another year of school.  As always, it’s time for the latest edition of the textbook:

I’ve also learned a new math joke, fitting for a new year:

A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them.  The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.

“So,” says the farmer.  “How many sheep were there?”

“40,” replies the dog.

“How can there be 40?” exclaims the farmer. “I only bought 38!”

“I know,” says the dog.  “But I rounded them up.”

Filed under: Math musings, Humor

08.27.2006

Thoughts on the Emmys

 I’m not a big fan of award shows, in much the same way that I’m not a fan of dentist appointments: both tend to be needlessly long, frequently painful, and always leave me with a funny taste in my mouth.  However, I was fooled into watching this year’s Emmy Awards by a clever introductory sequence that lead me to believe they were showing a new episode of Lost.  Bastards.

In any case, the Queen B and I sat down for the epic three-hour psuedoevent.  I’m not sure who won what, but in order to keep my brain from atrophying completely, I did keep notes of the events.

7:00 – Funny introduction.  But how well does it bode for a television awards show whose opening song points out repeatedly the sorry state of television programming?  I mean, if they’re already apologizing about TV…

7:15 – Some awards are presented by actors.  Why is it that when presenting awards, otherwise talented actors interact with all the artistic inflection of a grade school nutrition play?

7:30 – Conan O’Brien threatens to kill Bob Newhart if the Emmys run longer than 3 hours.  Because nothing’s funnier than threatening to off a television icon.  On a related note, why is the funniest topic people think to talk about regarding award shows is the length of award shows?  Does no one realize that the act of talking about the excessive length of an award show only contributes to it?

7:40 – Nominees for the Best Actress in a Miniseries are announced.  The Queen B asks, “What is this, the best actress over 70 category?”

7:45 – I’m torn!  The Daily Show against The Colbert Report?  But in the end, TDS took top honors, and Jon Stewart’s speech was comically nice short and sweet.  Guess who’s on notice?

7:50 – Cloris Leachman presents an award… disturbingly.  As the B remarks, “I just saw Cloris Leachman wiggle her boobs… and they just kept wiggling.  I feel dirty.”

8:00 – Dick Clark is honored.  Is it just me, or does Barry Manilow looks like an elf?  As if to confirm my suspicions, I swear he sang the lyrics “I’ll be a hobbit on the Bandstand, Bandstand.”

8:10 – The Colbert Report loses to the hobbit.  Guess who’s on notice now?

8:20 – Fractals are honored!  Well, not really.  But a monitor glitch results in a nice visual representation of infinite recursion for a moment.

8:25 – Speaking of recursion… An award is given to a director for directing an award ceremoney while directing the award ceremony during which the award is given.  My head hurts.

8:30 – The Daily Show wins again.  And David Blaine finally does something that amuses me — he dies.

8:40 –  Hugh Laurie translates upper crust British into French.  “Winnowing the list of contestants down to five.”  “Poof! Cinq.”

8:50 – Candice Bergen presents an award.  And apparently is going out line dancing after the show.

9:00 – Jacequlyn Smith presents an award.   And at 60 years old, she’s still a hottie.  Damn. 

9:10 – Finally, presenters that don’t suck.  Namely, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, the latter of whom steals the show with one-liners. [On the Emmys]:  It warps the minds of our children and weakens the will of our allies! [On losing to Barry Manilow]: I lost to Copa Cabana!  I could’ve lost to Wolverine – he has claws for hands!

9:30 – Lingusitic observation: Only Brits can say “fall ass over tit” and have it sound proper.  It worked for Helen Mirren, but failed (miserably) for both Calista Flockhart and Craig Ferguson.

9:40 – Julia Liouse Dreyfuss wins an award.   And totally forgets her husband, even though the cameraman didn’t.  Nice.

9:50 – Annette Benning presents an award.  And, damn, if she ain’t a hottie too.

10:00 – Is MythBusters on?

Filed under: Current events

08.24.2006

Vindication

According to MSN, Scientists decide Pluto’s no longer a planet.  And, once again, I totally rock the scientific community.

The status quo is restored.

Update

Kellie, over at (apparently currently defunct) Geekz Comics, has cited Pluto’s apparent response to the news:

Filed under: Current events

08.21.2006

Roadtrippin’

This weekend the Queen B and I headed across the state on a weekend road trip to Sioux Falls on the eastern side of South Dakota.  The official reason for the trip was a furniture run, but it also served as a brief escape from recent burdens of real life.  Sioux Falls is about a five hour drive from Rapid City through the heart of prairie country, which is a poetic way of saying that the trip is extremely flat and largely boring.  Nevertheless, there are some neat things to see along the way.

Sioux Falls

Sioux Falls itself is mighty pretty.  I was shocked to find that the city’s central attraction is its cascading waterfalls, which, in retrospect considering the city’s name, shouldn’t have been so surprising.  The falls were once used to power the city’s old hydroelectric plant and textile mills, but now instead power the city’s tourist trade. The falls themselves cut their way through slick black rock at sharp angles, twisting their way past the burned remnants of the Queen Bee textile mill* and the old generator room, now resurrected as a fetchingly decorated waterfront cafe.

The shores of the falls 

* Really!  I may not rock the cosmological community, but apparently I rock the clothmological one.

Waterfront cafe

Sioux Falls also has a beautiful Japanese serenity garden.  It’s a place of natural beauty and thoughtful contemplation.  Or at least, it would’ve been had I not been bitten alive by mosquitos and gnats.

Reflections

On the return trip, we stopped off in the little burb of Mitchell, South Dakota, to see the world famous Mitchell Corn Palace.  Well, I don’t know if it’s actually world famous, but I suspect it’s the world’s only attraction to be advertised solely by billboards with excrutiatingly bad corn puns.  I kid you not, it’s just miles and miles of signs with phrases like “You’ll be a-maize-d’” or “See our corn-ceptual art” or “From ears to eternity” or any number of variations on this theme.  I’m not sure exactly what I expected a “corn palace” to be, but I’m sure it involved some cob-shaped towers and a maize moat.  Instead, the Corn Palace is nothing more than a kernel-covered sports auditorium decorated with (paradoxically enough) large onion-shaped domes.

Corn Palace

Ah, shucks.  (Apparently, the billboards are contagious.)

The exterior walls are decorated in large murals comprised solely of corn cobs.  On the one hand, each of the murals is a fascinating work of meticulous art, as scenes of striking clarity and style are brought forth by painstakingly cobbling together thousands of ears of different species of corn.  On the other hand, it clearly illustrates with frightening clarity just how fucking little there must be to do in the city of Mitchell.

Corny art

Another stop was the famous Wall Drug in the city of Wall, South Dakota.  What Wall Drug’s advertising lacks in quality — as compared with, say, the purposely poor poaceaen paronomasia of the Corn Palace — it makes up for in sheer volume.  You can’t drive a quarter mile along Interstate 90 without seeing at least 14 different Wall Drug signs, all of which highlight the store’s many exotic consumables, such as “free ice water” or “real dirt”.

Wall Drug

In reality, Wall Drug is every bit as tacky as the quintillion roadside signs suggest, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  Indeed, you can find just about any kind of kitschy knick-knack, from stuffed jackelope heads to souvenir spoons to life-sized replicas of dinosaur skulls, somewhere in its gargantuan bowels.  I picked up “jellyfish yo-yo” and some sort of disgusting net-covered water balloon thingie that swells into a number of bright green sacs when squeezed, like a macroscopic version of Bruce Banner’s innerds.

Anyways, it was a strange weekend of midwestern shenanigans. And as always, there’s lots of pics:

Road trip pictures on Flickr

Filed under: Pictures

08.16.2006

Where are we going? Planet 10! … or Planet 11, or Planet 12. Whatever.

Someone needs to explain some things to astronomers everywhere.

Almost exactly one year ago today I wrote about the discovery of a potential new planet in our solar system, the trans-Neptunian object UB-313, a.k.a. Xena, and subsequently waxed philosophical about the corresponding scientific dilemma illuminated by its discovery, viz. developing a universally accepted, precise definition of the term planet for technical astronomical use, e.g. determining whether or not said UB-313 actually is a new planet or, more interestingly, where or not current planet Pluto should be stripped of this title.  Clearly, the International Astronomical Union is an unsung fan of komplexify.com, because they waited until today to make their official announcement on the official status of Pluto’s and UB-313’s qualifications as planets.

totally rock the scientific world.

Last year I put forth the position that planethood be bestowed upon UB-313, supported by reasons both decimal and mnemonic, with the tacit implication that we call it quits after ten planets. And according to newspapers everywhere, the UIA has decided that Pluto and UB-313 are planets. (Sweet!) 

…along with former asteroid Ceres and former moon Charon as well. (Weak!)

The new and improved solar system

Apparently, someone needs to explain to astronomers the wisdom of my “ten planets” approach.  Equally apparent, I don’t rock the scientific community at all.

According to the Spaceflight Now, the IAU’s proposed definition of planet is an object that (1) circles a star while not being a start itself, and (2) is massive enough that its own gravitation forces compress it into roughly spherical shape.  That sounds fine and dandy, and it means that both Pluto and UB-313 meet the planetary prerequisites, but its apparent sketchiness regarding “roughly spherical” means that for example, this — Ceres, the largest thing in the asteroid belt — is now a planet:

Ceres

Perhaps someone should explain to astronomers what a sphere looks like.  (Topologists, however, need not apply.)

Alexander's honred sphere

Moreover, a further consequence of this definition is that just about any largish roundish piece of solar detritus can be a planet.  Indeed, if the IAU isn’t a fan of komplexify, they are a fan of America’s Most Wanted, having released watchlist  the twelve most wanted chunks of orbiting detritus to be considered for new planetdom:

The UIA's most wanted

Perhaps someone should explain to astronomers the concept of grade inflation.  (I know it’s rampant at the university level, but I am surprised to see it taken to the universal level.)

I think what bugs me most about the new definition is that astronomers are doing something mathematicians take for granted: making an arbitrary definition for an otherwise common word.  As a mathematician, I’m fine with that in the context of mathematics, precisely because mathematics itself is all made up to begin with.  Said slightly differently, it’s okay to make an arbitrary definition in a subject whose entire existence is based on arbitrary definitions and arbitrary rules.

But astronomy isn’t mathematics; it’s arguably the oldest of the observable and empirical sciences.  By its very nature, its not arbitrary: astronomers don’t get to decide where to place the constellations, or get to choose how much to speed up or slow down Venus’ orbit, or anything else.  Instead, they only get to observe such phenomena and then deduce the hidden rules under which the phenomena behaves.

The concept embodied by planet is far from arbitrary.  The use of the term planet connotes something more special about a given celestial object in out solar system than just “roughly roundish and orbital.”  To the Greeks, for example, the planets were “wandering stars,” observable points of light that meandered in interesting and unexpected paths across the night-time sky — the current definition loses much of this mystery. 

More scientifically, perhaps, the first eight “classical” planets have striking similarities: they’re large, very spherical bodies orbiting the sun in (relatively) quick, circular orbits, all of which lie in a common plane  The arbitrary redefinition of planet seems to only take the concepts of ”roughly roundish” and “sun” as the crucial distinctions.

Lumping in these new objects under the umbrella term planet, to me at least, seems to dilute what that word means.  Interestingly enough, even the IAU seems to acknowledge this, as its proposal calls for designating a special subclass of planets called plutons: those planets with highly elliptical orbits, outside of the common orbital plane, which take longer than 200 years to orbit the sun.  (The final condition, in particular, implies that Plutons must live out farther than Neptune, the last of the “classical” planets.)  The reason for the distinction, admits the UIA, is that plutons have a different origin from the classical planets.

Perhaps someone should explain to astronomers the distinction between denotation and connotation.

So, to recap, the UIA has arbitrarily extended a definition of planets to include a number of new celestial objects.  It then promptly defined an arbitrary subclass of “plutons” into which all these soon-to-be newly minted planets fall, based solely on the distinction that these aren’t like the things they had previously — and arbitrarily — called “planets.”

The end result is that, after a year of deliberation on the status of Pluto’s and UB-313’s qualifications as planets, astronomers have made their official decision: They’re planets, but not really.

What astronomers are in most need of explaining, apparently, is the Law of the Excluded Middle.

Filed under: Current events
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