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07.4.2007

How to make a fish out of palm fronds

As demonstrated to me by the Queen B, who herself learned it from a wizened old Hawaiian craftsman.

What you need: Two long green palms fronds.

Step 1: Take one of the fronds and wrap it twice around your left index finger, leaving two loops, like so:

Step 2: Take the second frond and slide it behind the first frond’s first loop, but through the second loop, like so:

Step 3: Now, take that second frond and wrap the right half of it back around the second loop of the first frond, passing it through the lower loop of the first frond and… oh, wait… what?  Is that my right?  Or your right?  Oh I got it…. no… wait… what the?  Almost… dammit!  Oh, c’mon motherfu

Step 4: Tighten and voila:

Easy as pie!

Filed under: Anecdotes, Pictures

07.1.2007

Reasons why the Ladybug might be Hawaiian rather than Chinese

She gets a beautiful bronze tan within moments of going out into the sun.

She has lovely brown, curly hair.

She has an innate ability to shake her hips and dance to percussive music.

She has a natural fondness for water and, in particular, snorkelling and boogie-boarding.

She has an unnatural fondness for Spam.

She has her own ring of fire and frequently reeks of sulphur.

Filed under: The Ladybug
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