“Hey Professor. I’m trying to study for the exam, so I was wondering if you could, like, tell me about just the stuff that’s going to be on it so I can study better.”
“No. That’s not fair to the other students in the class.”
“Oh. Well, is there any whay you could like, I dunno, tell me the what things from the book are the stuff I need to know for the exam?”
“Yeah. I do that every day. It’s called class.”
“Umm, Professor? I know I haven’t ever come to office hours or anything, but I’m getting a little worried about this exam. There’s some things I don’t quite get yet. Can I ask you a couple fo questions?”
“Yeah, sure. What is it you’re having trouble with?”
“Um… pretty much everything after Chapter 1.”
A conversation with the girl working the Burger King register:
She: Welcome to Burger King. May I take your order.
Me: Sure. I’ll have a Whopper combo, no cheese, no pickles, with fries and a Coke.
She: No cheese, no pickles. Do you want cheese on that?
[ Slight pause. ]
Me: I see Burger King doesn’t subscribe to the Axiom of the Excluded Middle.
She: Um… what?
Me: No cheese, please.
P.S. On a related note, my Whopper had cheese.
Excerpt from a math department meeting.
Professor X: Speaking of the College Bowl, one of the questions was just so weird. It was “What unusual positive integer gives the same value when you add it to itself as when you multiply it by itself?”
[ Pauses momentarily to allow the rest of us to solve 2x = x2 in our heads. ]
Professor X: I mean, what’s so unusual about 2?
Me: Well, 2 is the only even prime number.
Professor Z: Yeah. And 3 is the only prime multiple of 3.
