Thoughts from the Super Bowl

4:00. The Super Bowl?   Come on!   I was waching MythBusters!

4:05. The Steelers are playing… the Cardinals?   What, did Mark McGuire come out of retirement?

4:10. The Ladybug notices that the players are wearing black band-aids under their eyes.   “Can I wear my Disney Princess band-aids on my eyes too?” she asks.     “If you see a player  wearing Disney Princess band-aids on TV, then yes, you can wear yours too,” I answer.

She’s now currently glued to the screen.

4:15. “Oh my gosh!” cries the Ladybug.   “Those guys knocked that boy down!   That’s very naughty.”   “That’s why those players are called offensive.”

4:20. The first several Super Bowl commercials are run-of-the-mill plugs for uber-pricey luxury cars?   Weak.

4:25. Oh crap!   They’re making a movie out of Angels and Demons.   I gotta get my ambigram page up before they become “cool” and I have to disparage them.

4:30. I am reminded of a famous quote: “Football combines the worst aspects of American culture.   It’s violence punctuated by committee meetings.”   To that, let me also add “recounts.”

4:35. …although apparently recounts are handled better in the NFL than the Electoral College.   Who knew?

4:40. Dorrito’s commercial WIN! Yay snow globe violence!

4:45. Chuck 3D promo FAIL!   That’s 2-D, not 1-D, dumbasses.

4:50. “I like football,” announces the Ladybug.   “Why?” I ask.   “I like their hats.   They have stripes on it.”

5:00. Another Dorrito’s commercial: WIN again!   Yay lingerie babes and bus-hicular manslaughter.

5:10. Every Super Bowl I’ve ever watched is either an exciting, hard-fought close battle between two equal foes, or a staggering dull one-sided blow-out.    With the (heavily favored) Steelers leading  10 to zip, this is looking like the latter.

5:25. Cars.com commercial WIN! I like any commercial unafraid use the phrase “successfully negotiated a later bedtime through a effective use of pie charts.”

5:30. “He’s got five sacks under his belt.”   Sounds like a guy with a career in porn ahead of him.

5:50. Cardinals, with 18 seconds to make a easy 10-yard field goal that will tie up the game at the half, instead try for a touchdown pass that gets intercepted.   Said interception is then run out for a 18-second, 100-yard Steeler touchdown, the longest (successful) play in NFL history.

I think we have a new definition for “adding insult to the injury.”

5:55. Enough with the 3D commercials!

6:00. It’s time for the Half Time Show.   Thank God America’s Funniest Home Videos started.

6:10. Sweet!   AFV + Wipe Out! = Super Bowl Spectacular.

6:20. Dear Toyota: of course towing several tons is hard on your tranny.   Just how much do you think a guy who looks like this can conceivably pull?

6:30. Rats.   Game’s back on.   Blah blah blah another  tackle blah blah blah another pass blah blah blah another challenge.

6:35. Monster.com WIN! And with a surprising lack of moose crap.

6:40. The Game Plan + The Matrix + Hancock = the new Witch Mountain movie.

6:50. You know, there’s not enough punching of small marsupials on TV.

7:00. Okay, it’s the end of the third, the score is  20 to 7, and we’re repeating commercials.   Is MythBusters still on?

7:40. Even the commercials are bored now…

7:41. Hey, this game got interesting.   The Cardinals have a chance to w…

7:42. Never mind.

7:45. Whoa!   The Cardinals get a touchdown, turning the tide 23 to 20 in their favor.   Ouch.   Having your history-making, tide-changing  100 yard touchdown mooted by an underdog victory is…

8:49. Never mind.   Is MythBusters still on?

(Oh, P.S., I’m back from Alaska.)

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