Scene: Office hours

Me: If I had a nickel for every time a student asked me if they could include an
“interpretive dance” component to their in-class mathematics presentation…

…I’d have three nickels.

…Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened more than once.

Scene: The family is watching the Disney Channel when a music video comes on.

The Ladybug: [ Singing along ] Be, be, be my B F F
‘Cuz I D K what’s comin’ next
I’ll be L M H O with the rest
So T T Y O X O X!

Me: I think it’s T T Y… L … X O X.

The Ladybug: I don’t think so.

Me: T T Y L is short for for Talk To You Later.

The Queen B:  O M G!  I can’t believe your father actually knew something like that.

Me: L O L.  Now S T F U.

Scene: A Faculty Senate meeting, wherein the most recent draft of the university’s mission statement is revealed.

Bureaucrat: As for the school’s Strategic Priorities, we

  • Prepare a diverse student body for the 21st century,
  • Reinforce research enterprises to elevate quality of education,
  • Invest in human capital,
  • Dedicate ourselves to continuous improvement, and
  • Enhance external partnerships for critical resources.

Professor X: I see that we’ve chosen our priorities to spell out PRIDE.

Bureaucrat: Exactly!  PRIDE is our underlying priority.

Professor X: Then may I draw your attention to the proposed Core Values a little further down the document?

Bureaucrat: Er… ah!  “Respect, Integrity, Service, Knowledge.”  Yes?

Professor X: Should I similarly deduce that RISK is our underlying value?

Bureaucrat: Oh… ah… hmmm…

Professor Y: I move that Professor X be awarded the WIN for today’s meeting.

Apparently making them non-mutant non-turtles wasn’t enough.  The Michael Bay TMNT reboot is now just being called “Ninja Turtles,” which in addition to being a lie, now suggests they’re non-teenaged as well.

The only good news is that Bay himself is not directing the movie.  Instead, it’s being farmed out to Jonathan Leibesman, who is best known for directing a movie about a homicidal Tooth Fairy that dislikes photons.  (Seriously.)  I consider this an improvement.

Nevertheless, I’m excited about the newly leaked plans for Michael Bay’s reboot of  Superman, in which a mild mannered Kansas farm boy gets hit by a meteor from the exploding planet Krypton and emerges with super powers.  Also, his parents Ma and Pa Kent are killed in the impact, but fortunately he gets foster parents Jor-el and Megan Fox from Krypton, who conveniently arrive to train him to fight Magneto and Skeletor.  Also, Superman drives a Chevy.  Also, eat shit, Michael Bay.

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