Idiot box

Apparently, NBC has a new TV show called Constantine, which they claim is based more on the Hellblazer comic books than the lamentable Keanu Reeves movie.  However, after a mere 5 episodes, I can conclusively say that NBC’s Constantine is simply a gritty reboot of the David Tennant era of Doctor Who.

You’ve got the protagonist: a mysterious traveling Englishman with a penchant for skinny suits, trench coats, and tussled hair.

Enigmatic and dark, he nevertheless saves good guys from all manner of monsters using his wits and knowledge of lost cultures and languages (many of them with a definite geometric flavor).

Also psychic paper…

… and his trusty metal light-up gizmo.

Did I mention he’s tormented by choices he’s made that caused the deaths of innocents in the past?

He lives in a quaint little wooded shack…

…that’s bigger on the inside.

Let’s not forget his allies.  First, he requires a sexy female companion to accompany him on his misadventures.

…There’s also the American sidekick who is impervious to death.

Each week, the protagonist and his allies protect the Earth from the rising darkness/oncoming storm, by way of battling assorted monsters, including

possessed women…

ravenous swarms…

Voodoo magic…

…and occasionally Satan himself.

Not convinced yet?  Did I mention the severed hand that brings back dead people?

Yep.  I rest my damn case.


Scene: The Ladybug and I are binge-watching Agents of SHIELD to get caught up on the new season.

She (after three episodes): Wow!  So much has happened to SHIELD!

Me: Tell me about it.

She: I mean… Skye has bangs now!

Me: ….


Scene: The Queen B and I are watching the Weather Channel as we get ready for work.  The morning show is talking about how the forecast East Coast storm will affect travel and sales over the Thanksgiving weekend.

Me: Grumble grumble grumble.  What happened to Thanksgiving?  It used to be a family holiday, but now it’s all about Christmas shopping.  There’s Black Friday.  There’s Cyber Monday.  There’s even Grey Thursday… which used to be Thanksgiving!  And now there’s frickin’ Frito Sunday?

She: What?

Me: It said it on the news crawl at the bottom of the screen — “Cold on Thanksgiving, with wintry conditions on Frito Sunday.”

She: Gimme that remote.

[ She rewinds the DVR and watches. ]

She: You need to relax.  It says “wintry conditions on Fri To Sunday.”

This entry was posted in teeveeify. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

− seven = one