The hero we deserve, not the one we need

About week ago, a friend of mine who teaches at UNI posted this on Facebook:

Math Joke Emergency! In less than three hours I will be lecturing on finding equations of conic sections by rotating and translating a conic in standard form. I am confident that there is a long form joke beginning with “turn around” and ending with a variant of “total ellipse of the heart,” but I can’t make it work.

I pondered for a moment on this before commenting back.

Turnaround Bright, the famous turn-of-the-century improvisational musician, once performed at a concert for the International Composer’s Guild. Over the course of the night, Turnaround Bright created beautiful, extemporaneous pieces on a number of instruments.

He was first seated at a grand piano, where Turnaround composed a symphony on the spot.

He was then seated at a grand pedal harp, and created a lilting musical soliloquy.

He was next given a small harpsichord, and proceeded to pluck out a charming lullaby.

The final instrument was small oval-shaped lyre, which he looked at for a moment. Mr. Bright promptly put it under his seat, stood up, and ended the concert.

“Monsieur,” asked the audience, “did we offend you? Why are you stopping?”

Turnaround Bright sighed. “Nothing I can play on a total ellipse of a harp.”

What I’m saying is, not all heroes wear capes.

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