komplexify!

02.8.2010

Abandon all hope

The math department at Komplexify U is housed in a stately brick building with massive white pillars.  It’s also quite old, and what was once an imposing staircase leading up into it had, after decades of students stomping up and down, crumbled into not much more than a concrete inclined plane.  It was therefore a relief when the University decided to have them rebuilt last year.

The new stairs, in addition to being, well, flat and unbroken (which is already a significant improvement over their previous incarnation) also have a metal heating coil buried in them, which heats the stairs to remove snow build up from them.

So on the plus side our stairs are now always clear of slippery ice, making the hike up to my office significantly safer.

On the minus side, however, the sight of the building’s stairs and walkways seeting with plumes of steam in the cold hours of early morning make it look I work not in a math department, but rather in the Bowels of Hell.

Filed under: Observations

01.29.2010

Here’s your sign

Overheard 1

I had to go in for oral surgery today.  I was sitting in the chair went the surgeon walked in and decided to be chatty.  “So, what are we doing today?” he asked.  “I said, man, you’re the surgeon.  If you don’t know what we’re doing today, get me the hell out of this chair.”

Overheard 2

Why do cashiers always have to ask you if they’re supposed to make change from the money you gave them?  I mean, the dude rings up the price, I pull out a $20 and hand it to him, and then he stares and asks “Out of a twenty?”

“No, dude, I was just trying to free up my hands.  I’m planning on completing this transaction with goats and chickens.”

Filed under: Observations

01.26.2010

Give me your tired, your poor

At Burger King today, I witnessed the Statue of Liberty get into a heated argument with Uncle Sam over the culinary merits of brine-fermented cucumbers. For a moment I thought I might be suffering from food-poison-induced hallucinations before I realized it was just two Liberty Tax monkeys arguing over whether or not to add extra pickles on their burgers.

I’ve never quite understood why tax preparers attempt to attract business by having people dress up in outlandish costumes whilst simulating epileptic fits in front of said place of business.  I mean, really… your tax preparer is someone who is going to crunch a bunch of your fiscal numbers in an attempt to solve a potentially pricey (at least for you) optimization problem.  That being said, is this really the mascot you want to showcase this mathematical muscle?

Yeah, me neither. Between you and me, I’m gonna put my trust in the tax company who use Lewis Skolnick as their mascot.

Filed under: Observations

01.18.2010

Bowl-o-rama

To the programmers in charge of the “bowling hint” computer program at the local bowling alley:

For the detailed information you provide about how to line up my shot, or the speed at which the ball should be rolled in order to pick up a spare… Thank you very much.

For describing the difficulty of picking up each spare as EASYPiss. Off.

I mean really: if it were that easy, I wouldn’t need the frickin’ hint each frame, would I?

Filed under: Observations

01.15.2010

Go fish

It’s impossible to drive around the midwest and not see the Ichthys on the sides of businesses and the backs of cars, especially Fords and Chevys, usually next the gun rack and the Re-Elect Cheney bumper sticker.  And by Ichthys, I mean the so-called Jesus fish:

I’ve always liked the fish as symbol of Christianity, because of its geometric simplicity (a symmetric intersection of two circular arcs) and because I always assumed the fish represented one of the uplifting aspects of the religion, like Jesus’ call to make his apostles “fishers of men,” or the miracle of the fish and loaves.*  (In contrast, I’ve always though the crucifix is a ghastly symbol.  Out of all the aspects of a faith about everlasting life on which to focus, prophetic-cause-of-death seems like an odd choice.)

* In fact, apparently the seafood symbol was chosen not for the spiritual reasons I’d always assumed, but rather because the phrase Jesus Christ, God’s son and savior, when written in ancient Greek (the language of the New Testament) is Ἰησοῦς Χριστός, Θεοῦ ͑Υιός, Σωτήρ, which if written as an acronym is IΧΘΥΣ… which is the Greek word for fish.  So it’s kind of like a theologically blessed version of SCUBA.

When I was in college, I picked up a Darwin Ichthys and slapped it on the back of my Honda Accord.  I loved it from a graphic design perspective:  it cleverly converted a recognizable symbol often linked with anti-evolutionary thought by modifying it with the addition of some small perfunctory legs into a textbook transitional form illustrating the evolutionary process.  Plus it irritated the hell (literally!) out of Bible-thumpers, which was always amusing.

Ever since then, there’s been an influx of Ichthys knock-offs, each promoting a different worldview.  For example, for believers in ancient astronauts (that is, that modern man is the result of ancient man learning from extraterrestrial beings), we’ve got the Alien Ichthys:

Believers of the Church of Roddenbury, also known as Trekkies, have the similarly themed Trek Ichthys:

Even goths have a fish:

That’s why I was so greatly amused to see this on the back of a car the other day.  Behold the Flying Spaghetti Monster Ichthys:

As the Pastafarians would say, “R’Amen, brother.  R’Amen.”

On a complete unrelated note, Saturday was my birthday.  For those komplexify readers who belatedly feel guilty about not noticing, an FSM Ichthys would make up for that quite excellently.

On a tangentially related note, I’ve never quite understood the Christian response to the Darwin Ichthys, which usually runs as some variant of this:

My difficulty is two-fold.  First, while I suppose the point is to show that TRUTH will triumph over DARWIN, wouldn’t that have been better displayed by, say, having the Truth Fish overshadowing the Darwin fish, or smacking about the Darwin fish, or crushing the Darwin fish, or in fact pretty much anything besides eating the Darwin fish?  Because having TRUTH eat DARWIN in such a nasty cannibalistic fashion, in addition to being a particularly non-turn-the-other-cheek response, in fact suggests that TRUTH is all about the survival of the fittest… which is Darwin’s idea to begin with.

Second, and more to the point, the Darwinist response will totally kick ass… all they have to do is evolve:

Filed under: Observations
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