Journal reader's mind stays in the gutter

My waking ritual each morning is to stumble my way to the kitchen, sleepily pour myslef a bowl of Raison Bran Crunch, and blurrily proceed to read my morning paper, the Rapid City Journal, partly to stay abreast of local, national, and international news, but mostly because Journal articles are frequently, if unintentionally, amusing. For example, the other day there was an article in the Journal with the following headline:

Sex-education bill stays in the grave

I had no idea necrophilia was even in the standard sex-ed curriculum.

As titles go, of course, it could have been worse.   Had it been my story, for example, I would have gone with  Sex education bill is put to bed, which might go some way to explaining why I am not a reporter. (Well, that along with my complete disregard for “facts.”)

The article goes on to describe how the bill arose as a response to “requests from parents and children on instruction in abstinence.” I dunno, but it seems like abstinence, by its very definition, is probably the one thing on earth that requires no instruction to do properly:

Student: Do I have to…?

Teacher: No.

Student: Well, should the boy…?

Teacher: No.

Student: Does the girl…?

Teacher: No.

Student: What about…?

Teacher: No.

Student: You mean…?

Teacher: No.

Student: No?

Teacher: No.

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