I love the Colbert Report, especially when it gets silly with math and science, and you can’t get sillier than smack-talking your neighboring galaxy. From the Report:
One of my favorite pastimes is lying back in a field and staring up at the stars. Looking into the vast, limitless expanses of space makes me take stock and realize just how truly significant I am. I mean those stars are so small… My hand can cover like a thousand of them!
But if there was one thing that always bothered me about space is that the Milky Way — America’s galaxy — was significantly smaller than our intergalactic neighbor, the Andromeda Galaxy. So we’re always overcompensating, going around bragging how big our Dipper is.
Folks, I’ve got some good news! Astronomers measuring the rate of spin of the Milky Way Galaxy have calculated that our galaxy has 50% more mass than previously thought. That means we are not smaller than Andromeda — we’re about the same size!
In your face, Andromeda! Bang! Make that, Big Bang!
You’re so tiny, I’ve seen nebula with bigger H II regions!
We’ve gotta black hole at the center of our galaxy, and you’re an ass hole!
Your apparent magnitude is 4.4, but your apparent losertude is a perfect 10!
Ow! How’s that feel, Andromeda? That’s really going to burn when those insults reach you in 2.5 million years.
Ah, geek humor.