American Woman

(Spoilers, obviously!)

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Methinks the dotard doth protest too much

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Marriage, in a nutshell

Overheard at lunch:

Old Woman: Yuck! This isn’t a Diet Coke!

Old Man: It’s not. It’s a Sprite.

OW: I wanted a Diet Coke.

OM: I didn’t know what you wanted.

OW: I wanted a Diet Coke.

OM: I didn’t know that. How am I supposed to know that?

OW: I drink Diet Coke. I always drink Diet Coke. When have you ever seen me drink Sprite?

OM: You had Sprite at the potluck on Monday.

OW: That’s because they didn’t have any Diet Coke!

I suspect how funny you find this is inversely proportional to how long you have been married.

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Stickin’ it to the man

The Butterfly and I are out to lunch.

Me: Ewww, I just stepped in gum.

BF: Gross!

Me: Who just throws their gum on the floor of a restaurant?

BF: I know, right? You’re supposed to stick it under the table.

Me: I have failed you as a parent.

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Spider sense

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