The Ladybug: I get so confused between Liam Hemsworth and Chris Pratt.
LB: Thor and Star Lord.
Me: Thor is Chris Hemsworth.
LB: Oh right. Then who is Liam Hemsworth?
Me: He’s the guy in Hunger Games. One of Katniss’ boyfriends. Kale, I think.
LB: Gale. “Kale” isn’t even a word.
Me: “Kale” is kind of cabbage.
LB: Cabbage? You think they would they the name a guy after food?
Me: Why not? They named her other boyfriend after Greek flatbread.
Me: Pita. As in pita pocket.
LB: On my gosh. They’re all named after food. Maybe that’s why it’s called the Hunger Games.
A conversation at the gas station.
Clerk: Nice TARDIS hoodie.
Me: Thank you.
Clerk: It looks a little small to fit me though, except….
Clerk: It’s probably bigger on the inside.
The Ladybug: Hey dad, wanna hear a joke I made up?
LB: What did the man say when his wife went on vacation?
Me: I don’t know. What did the man say when his wife went on vacation?
LB: Bon voyage!
Me: … I don’t get it.
LB: “Bon voyage?” That’s so funny sounding.
Me: It’s French for “Have a good trip.”
Me: If you want to make a joke out of that, you’ll have to make a play on the words… Something that sounds like “bon voyage,” but has a second meaning that references the characters in the joke.
Me: Let me give you an example. What did the stick of dynamite say when his wife went on vacation?
Me: Bomb voyage.
LB: Ohhh… it’s a joke because dynamite is used for making bombs.
Me: Correct. Or: what did the chocolate candy say when his wife went on vacation?
… Bon-bon voyage.
LB: Good one. Or how about: what did Flynn say went Quorra went on vacation?
… Tron voyage!
Me: Now you’re getting it. How about: what did the stoner day when his girlfriend went on vacation?
… Bong voyage!
LB: What’s a stoner?
Me: Right. Comedy lesson over.
She: Oh. My. God. That little boy is pulling out his pee-pee.
She: Gross. That boy has his pee-pee out again. I can see the hole where the pee comes out and everything.
She: That boy is doing it again. He’s just holding on it while he watches his iPad.
She: Eww. Now the boy is pulling on it. I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to stretch for gymnastics.
She: Ugh, dad! You just snorted your soda out of your noise. Man, boys are GROSS.
In order to keep the next GOP debate finished in a reasonable amount of time, they asked the candidates to summarize their campaigns in haiku.