Poker-playing dogs

Forty-Five apparently has a dogs-playing-poker-style painting of himself drinking with past Republican presidents called “The Republican Club,” which he has chosen to hang in the White House.

It’s tacky and gross, and I’ve fixed it for him, free of charge:

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American pie

Someone just asked me what my favorite pie was and I said “355/113, but 22/7 will do in a pinch” and they just stared at me for a loooong time.

Totally worth it.

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Moove it

I drove by a pasture and I watched as a herd of running cattle raced around its periphery, making sharp right-angled turns at each of its corners with speed and surprising grace, over and over again as if running laps in gym class, and so I said “Look… cowlesthenics” but upon hearing no groans from the backseat realized there were no children back there to suffer from my Dad Joke, and for a fleeting moment I felt shame, but then I remembered I have a blog.

Look upon my works, and despair.

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Butterfly: Hey Dad! I can do the moonwalk backwards!

Me: So you can… walk?

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Charlie Brown

Donald: No one else has ever been treated worse, or so unfairly.

Melania: I’m the most bullied person in the world.

Me: I’m beginning to understand what they see in each other.

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