– by Dennis Gannon (1940-1991)

(Sung to the tune of O Tanunbaum)

Oh calculus; oh calculus!

How tough are both thy branches.

O calculus; O calculus!

To pass, what are my chances?

Derivatives I cannot take,

At integrals my fingers shake.

O calculus; O calculus!

How tough are both thy branches.

O calculus; O calculus!

Thy theorems I can’t master.

O calculus; O calculus!

My proofs are a disaster.

You pull a trick out of the air,

Or find a reason God knows where.

O calculus; O calculus!

Thy theorems I can’t master.

O calculus; O calculus!

Thy problems so distress me.

O calculus; O calculus!

Related rates depress me.

I walk toward lampposts in my sleep,

And running water makes me weep.

O calculus; O calculus!

Thy problems so distress me.

O calculus; O calculus!

My limit I am reaching.

O calculus; O calculus!

For mercy I’m beseeching.

My grades to not approach a B,

They’re just an epsilon from D.

O calculus; O calculus!

My limit I am reaching.

Dennis Gannon was the head of the society for Isaac Newton and an inspiring teacher at F. T. Maloney High School in Meriden, CT for 29 years. Each year at the holiday season he bellowed out Calculus Carols that he wrote for his AP students. This is one of them.