In accordance with the new emphasis on accountability and the Standards of Learning (S.O.L.s), the following rating scale for Mathematics Professors at the University has been devised.

Rating Scale |
Far Exceeds Job Requirements |
Exceeds Job Requirements |
Meets Job Requirements |
Needs Some Improvement |
Does Not Meet Minimum Requirements |

QUALITY | Leaps tall buildings with a single bound | Must take running start to leap over tall buildings | Can leap over short buildings only | Crashes into buildings when attempting to jump over them | Cannot recognize buildings at all |

TIMELINESS | Is faster than a speeding bullet | Is as fast as a speeding bullet | Not quite as fast as a speeding bullet | Would you believe a slow bullet? | Wounds self with bullet when attempting to shoot |

INITIATIVE | Is stronger than a locomotive | Is stronger than a bull elephant | Is stronger than a bull | Shoots the bull | Is full of bull |

ADAPTABILITY | Walks on water | Treads water | Washes with water | Drinks water | Passes water in emergencies |

COMMUNICATION | Talks with God | Talks with the angels | Talks to himself | Argues with himself | Loses arguments with himself |

LOGIC | Understands Godel | Has read Godel | Can pronounce Godel | Wears a girdle | Can’t recognize a girdle |

ALGEBRA | Can prove Fermat’s Last Theorem | Can develop the Quadratic Formula | Can use the Quadratic formula | Can spell the word Quadratic | Advocates being a radical |

GEOMETRY | Creates consistent sets of axioms | Proves original theorems | Accepts axioms | Proves axioms | Disproves axioms |

CALCULUS | Does elliptical integrals by inspection | Can prove the Fundamental Theorem | Has heard of the Fundamental Theorem | Advocates table of integration | Advocates busing for integration |