Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive!
A math professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
Analysts use epsilons and deltas in mathematics because they tend to make errors.
Asked how his pet parrot died, the mathematician answered “Polynomial. Polygon.”
A professor’s enthusiasm for teaching precalculus varies inversely with the likelihood of his having to do it.
A tragedy of mathematics is a beautiful conjecture ruined by an ugly fact.
Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear is like classification of the Universe as bananas and non-bananas.
Every proof is a one-line proof, provided you start sufficiently far to the left.
For a good prime call, 555.793.7319.
God is real, unless proclaimed an integer.
Graphing rational functions is a pain in the asymptote.
He thinks he’s really smooth, but he’s only C1.
How many problems will you have on the final? I think you will have lots of problems on the final.
If Einstein and Pythagoras were both right, then E = m(a2+b2)
I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig, and I’ll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!
In the topologic hell the beer is packed in Klein’s bottles.
Klein bottle for rent. Apply within.
Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.
…..And the irrational parts infinitely outweigh the rational ones.
Math: putting the “fun” in “functions” since t=0.
Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.
Math problems? Call 1-800-[4-x(2 pi)2]-sin(b)/xy.
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
Mobius strip no-wear belt drive! (Please see other side for warranty details.)
Moebius strippers only show you their back side.
My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right.
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
Pie are squared?
No. Pie are not squared. Pie are round. Cornbread are squared.
Recursion [ri-kur'zhun] n. See recursion.
Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray to God you don’t multiply.
Statistics are like a bikini: what they show you is tempting, but it’s what they hide that’s important.
The highest moments in the life of a mathematician are the first few moments after one has proved the result, but before one finds the mistake.
The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.
The problems for the exam will be similar to the discussed in the class. Of course, the numbers will be different. But not all of them. Pi will still be 3.14159…
The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people.
These days, even the most pure and abstract mathematics is in danger to be applied.
The world is everywhere dense with idiots.
To a mathematician, real life is a special case.
1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.
5 out of 4 people have problems with fractions.
97.3% of all statistics are made up.
Interestingly, I have seen the same number (97.3%) for the last statement more than a dozen times from different sources! Funny, that making up is not all that made up, is it?
Comment by Srikrishna — 05.22.09 @
You say “God is real, unless proclaimed an integer.” This may be a deep mathematical theory, but I have certainly seen it in a different form that made more sense to me.
The computer language FORTRAN does not require the programmer to declare variables before they are used. If the programmer avails themself of this freedom, then variables that start with letters in the range I to N are considered to be integer. All others are considered to be real.
It stands to reason, therefore, that God is real unless _declared_ integer.
Comment by Richard Urwin — 06.23.09 @