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05.23.09

16 reasons why God would never get tenure

Filed under: Academic humor — Travis @
  1. He had only one major publication.
  2. And it was in Hebrew.
  3. And it had no references.
  4. And it was not published in a refereed journal.
  5. And some even doubted that He wrote it Himself.
  6. It may be true that He created the world, but what has He done since then?
  7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
  8. The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate His results.
  9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
  10. When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
  11. When subjects did not behave as predicted, He often punished them, or just deleted them from the sample.
  12. He rarely came to class: He just told students to read the book.
  13. He has his son teach the class.
  14. He expelled His first two students for learning too much.
  15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed His tests.
  16. His office hours were infrequent, and usually held on a mountain top.

3 Comments »

  1. needs a shirt.

    Comment by Infinitymaster — 05.29.09 @

  2. Fantastic! I especially love 8 – I’m working on his “how the universe works” proof right now: In the words of homer simpson “This book has no answers!!!!”

    Comment by Kevin — 06.1.09 @

  3. Addendums:
    17. His tests were often rated as 100% – Pass, 99 or Below – FAIL
    18. Students who failed were often punished brutally…for a long time.
    19. He only allowed the best student to approach him, and even then it was only once per semester.
    20. He killed his son just so he could prove a point in his classroom.

    Comment by James — 08.2.11 @

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