#### Dirty limericks! Let the reader beware!

A mathematician called Able,

Made love to a young girl called Mabel,

They hadn’t a bed,

So made use instead

Of an old mathematical table.

A mathematician called Babbit

Put some quite simple sums to a rabbit.

The rabbit replied

“I must learn to divide,

With me multiplication’s a habit.”

A mathematician called Cross,

Fell in love with the wife of his boss.

The boss’s reaction,

Suggested subtraction,

He said, “Take her away, she’s no loss.”

A mathematician called Day,

Who was anxious to have it away,

Said the value of X

Turned his thinking to sex,

X times Y was the price he would pay.

A mathematician called Dewar

Whose maths were incredibly pure,

Clamped his penile device

In an engineer’s vice,

Then in microns he measured his skewer.

A mathematician called called Dick

Tried to measure the size of his prick.

But he was enraged

When he found that he gauged

It, not quite the short side of a brick.

A mathematician called Hall,

Had a hexahedronical ball,

And the cube of its weight,

Times his pecker, plus eight,

Was four fifths of five eighths of sod all.

A mathematician called Hill,

Had a wife who was not on the Pill.

Though he missed no occasion,

To try multiplication,

The product produced was just nil.

A mathematician called Hyde,

Took a busload of girls for a ride.

And in preparation,

For multiplication,

Each girl forced her legs to divide.

A mathematician named Joe,

Said “Really it just can’t be so;

“My wife, for her sins,

Is going to have twins,

And 2 into 1 doesn’t go!”

A mathematician called Plumb,

Was engrossed in a difficult sum,

And even in bed,

It stayed in his head

Till his wife said, “For God’s sake, Plumb, come.”

A mathematician called Power,

Calculated his lust in the shower,

But he was nonplussed

When the force of his thrust,

Stopped the water for over an hour.

A mathematician called Rubik,

Has a very strange area pubic.

His balls are both conical,

They look very comical,

With a penis described best as cubic.

A mathematician called Strong,

Got all his conclusions quite wrong.

His value for *pi*

Was put much too high,

As the average length of his dong.

A mathematician called Week,

Has geometry which is unique.

If *A* equals *B*

And *B* equals *C*,

*ABC* is his lower left cheek.

The mathematician Von Blecks

Derived the equation for sex.

He found a good fuck

Isn’t patience or luck

But a function of *Y* over *X*.

There once was a log named Lynn

Whose life was devoted to sin.

She came from a tree

Whose base was shaped like an e.

She’s the most natural log I’ve seen.

There once was a man from Rancine

Who invented a fucking machine.

Both concave and convex,

It could serve either sex,

But oh what a bastard to clean!^{1}

There once was a mathematician

Who preferred an exotic position

‘Twas the joy of his life

To achieve with his wife

Topologically complex coition.

The was a young lady called Hatch

Who had a rectangular snatch.

So she practiced coition

With a mathematician,

Whose square root was just made to match.

^{1} was related to me by Greg B.