Dirty limericks! Let the reader beware!
A mathematician called Able,
Made love to a young girl called Mabel,
They hadn’t a bed,
So made use instead
Of an old mathematical table.
A mathematician called Babbit
Put some quite simple sums to a rabbit.
The rabbit replied
“I must learn to divide,
With me multiplication’s a habit.”
A mathematician called Cross,
Fell in love with the wife of his boss.
The boss’s reaction,
He said, “Take her away, she’s no loss.”
A mathematician called Day,
Who was anxious to have it away,
Said the value of X
Turned his thinking to sex,
X times Y was the price he would pay.
A mathematician called Dewar
Whose maths were incredibly pure,
Clamped his penile device
In an engineer’s vice,
Then in microns he measured his skewer.
A mathematician called called Dick
Tried to measure the size of his prick.
But he was enraged
When he found that he gauged
It, not quite the short side of a brick.
A mathematician called Hall,
Had a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight,
Times his pecker, plus eight,
Was four fifths of five eighths of sod all.
A mathematician called Hill,
Had a wife who was not on the Pill.
Though he missed no occasion,
To try multiplication,
The product produced was just nil.
A mathematician called Hyde,
Took a busload of girls for a ride.
And in preparation,
Each girl forced her legs to divide.
A mathematician named Joe,
Said “Really it just can’t be so;
“My wife, for her sins,
Is going to have twins,
And 2 into 1 doesn’t go!”
A mathematician called Plumb,
Was engrossed in a difficult sum,
And even in bed,
It stayed in his head
Till his wife said, “For God’s sake, Plumb, come.”
A mathematician called Power,
Calculated his lust in the shower,
But he was nonplussed
When the force of his thrust,
Stopped the water for over an hour.
A mathematician called Rubik,
Has a very strange area pubic.
His balls are both conical,
They look very comical,
With a penis described best as cubic.
A mathematician called Strong,
Got all his conclusions quite wrong.
His value for pi
Was put much too high,
As the average length of his dong.
A mathematician called Week,
Has geometry which is unique.
If A equals B
And B equals C,
ABC is his lower left cheek.
The mathematician Von Blecks
Derived the equation for sex.
He found a good fuck
Isn’t patience or luck
But a function of Y over X.
There once was a log named Lynn
Whose life was devoted to sin.
She came from a tree
Whose base was shaped like an e.
She’s the most natural log I’ve seen.
There once was a man from Rancine
Who invented a fucking machine.
Both concave and convex,
It could serve either sex,
But oh what a bastard to clean!1
There once was a mathematician
Who preferred an exotic position
‘Twas the joy of his life
To achieve with his wife
Topologically complex coition.
The was a young lady called Hatch
Who had a rectangular snatch.
So she practiced coition
With a mathematician,
Whose square root was just made to match.
1 was related to me by Greg B.