Let ε < 0.

04.14.09

Circumloqution

Filed under: Academic humor, Discontinuous humor, Goofy graphs, Puns — Travis @

Here are two interesting sentences for you to ponder over (and over and over…). The first is quite cute and efficient:

The second is a little more erudite:

…It’s an extremely clever implementation of Quine’s paradox. Neat.

02.20.09

Category theory

Filed under: Discontinuous humor, Puns — Travis @

There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can’t.
George Carlin

There are two groups of people in the world: those who believe that the world can be divided into two groups of people, and those who don’t.

There are two groups of people in the world: those who can be categorized into one of two groups of people, and those who can’t.

There are two groups of people in the world: those that don’t do math, and those that take care of them.

There are three kinds of people in the world: them that aren’t good at math and them that aren’t goof at English.

There are 10 groups of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand trinary, those who don’t, and those who mistake it for binary.

02.12.09

Little known results

Filed under: Bad proofs, Discontinuous humor — Travis @

Grabel’s Law: 2 is not equal to 3. Not even for very large values of 2.

The Fundamental Theorem of Analysis: Any theorem of analysis can be proven on an arbitrarily small piece of paper provided the author is sufficiently vague.

The Golden Rule of Teaching Mathematics: You must tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, but not the whole truth.

The Golden Rule of Deriving: Never trust any result that was proved after 11 pm.

The law of conservation of difficulties: There is no easy way to prove a deep result.

02.11.09

Tautologies I was not taught

Filed under: Discontinuous humor, Puns, Upper-division jokes — Travis @

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive!

A math professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

Analysts use epsilons and deltas in mathematics because they tend to make errors.

Asked how his pet parrot died, the mathematician answered “Polynomial. Polygon.”

A professor’s enthusiasm for teaching precalculus varies inversely with the likelihood of his having to do it.

A tragedy of mathematics is a beautiful conjecture ruined by an ugly fact.

Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear is like classification of the Universe as bananas and non-bananas.

Every proof is a one-line proof, provided you start sufficiently far to the left.

For a good prime call, 555.793.7319.

God is real, unless proclaimed an integer.

Graphing rational functions is a pain in the asymptote.

He thinks he’s really smooth, but he’s only C1.

How many problems will you have on the final? I think you will have lots of problems on the final.

If Einstein and Pythagoras were both right, then E = m(a2+b2)

I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig, and I’ll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!

In the topologic hell the beer is packed in Klein’s bottles.

Klein bottle for rent. Apply within.

Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.
…..And the irrational parts infinitely outweigh the rational ones.

Math: putting the “fun” in “functions” since t=0.

Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.

Math problems? Call 1-800-[4-x(2 pi)2]-sin(b)/xy.

Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.

Mobius strip no-wear belt drive! (Please see other side for warranty details.)

Moebius strippers only show you their back side.

My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right.

Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.

Pie are squared?
No. Pie are not squared. Pie are round. Cornbread are squared.

Recursion [ri-kur'zhun] n. See recursion.

Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray to God you don’t multiply.

Statistics are like a bikini: what they show you is tempting, but it’s what they hide that’s important.

The highest moments in the life of a mathematician are the first few moments after one has proved the result, but before one finds the mistake.

The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

The problems for the exam will be similar to the discussed in the class. Of course, the numbers will be different. But not all of them. Pi will still be 3.14159…

The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people.

These days, even the most pure and abstract mathematics is in danger to be applied.

The world is everywhere dense with idiots.

To a mathematician, real life is a special case.

1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.

5 out of 4 people have problems with fractions.

97.3% of all statistics are made up.

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