...build better animals
Version 1: Cow version
The USDA once wanted to make cows produce milk faster, to improve the dairy industry.
First, they decided to consult the foremost biologists and recombinant DNA technicians to build them a better cow. They assembled this team of great scientists, and gave them unlimited funding. They requested rare chemicals, weird bacteria, tons of quarantine equipment, there was a horrible typhus epidemic they started by accident, and, 2 years later, they came back with the "new, improved cow." It had a milk production improvement of 2% over the original.
They then tried with the greatest Nobel Prize winning chemists around. They worked for six months, and, after requisitioning tons of chemical equipment, and poisoning half the small town in Colorado where they were working with a toxic cloud from one of their experiments, they got a 5% improvement in milk output.
Finally, in desperation, they turned to the mathematicians. The foremost mathematician of his time offered to help them with the problem. Upon hearing the problem, he told the delegation that they could come back in the morning and he would have solved the problem. In the morning, they came back, and he handed them a piece of paper with the computations for the new, 300% improved milk cow.
The plans began:
A Proof of the Attainability of Increased Milk Output from Bovines:
Consider a spherical cow...
Version 2.1: Horse version
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician went to the races one Saturday and laid their money down.
Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."
The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..."
"...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret.
"Well," he says, between puffs on the pipe, "first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical..."
Version 2.2: Horse variation
The emperor's horse is about to participate in the international race in three months. The emperor summons his best nutritionist, best trainer, and best mathematician, and orders them to prepare the horse for the race. A week before the race, the emperor demands a report on their progress.
The nutritionist says, "I have fed it the most excellent mixture of herbs and cereals, it will give it speed and courage."
The trainer says, "I trained it to skip any obstacle, and take turns without slowing down."
The mathematician says, "I solved the case of a 2-dimensional horse."