Scene: Office hours
Me: If I had a nickel for every time a student asked me if they could include an
“interpretive dance” component to their in-class mathematics presentation…
…I’d have three nickels.
…Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened more than once.
Scene: The family is watching the Disney Channel when a music video comes on.
The Ladybug: [ Singing along ] Be, be, be my B F F
‘Cuz I D K what’s comin’ next
I’ll be L M H O with the rest
So T T Y O X O X!
Me: I think it’s T T Y… L … X O X.
The Ladybug: I don’t think so.
Me: T T Y L is short for for Talk To You Later.
The Queen B: O M G! I can’t believe your father actually knew something like that.
Me: L O L. Now S T F U.
Scene: A Faculty Senate meeting, wherein the most recent draft of the university’s mission statement is revealed.
Bureaucrat: As for the school’s Strategic Priorities, we
- Prepare a diverse student body for the 21st century,
- Reinforce research enterprises to elevate quality of education,
- Invest in human capital,
- Dedicate ourselves to continuous improvement, and
- Enhance external partnerships for critical resources.
Professor X: I see that we’ve chosen our priorities to spell out PRIDE.
Bureaucrat: Exactly! PRIDE is our underlying priority.
Professor X: Then may I draw your attention to the proposed Core Values a little further down the document?
Bureaucrat: Er… ah! “Respect, Integrity, Service, Knowledge.” Yes?
Professor X: Should I similarly deduce that RISK is our underlying value?
Bureaucrat: Oh… ah… hmmm…
Professor Y: I move that Professor X be awarded the WIN for today’s meeting.
Apparently making them non-mutant non-turtles wasn’t enough. The Michael Bay TMNT reboot is now just being called “Ninja Turtles,” which in addition to being a lie, now suggests they’re non-teenaged as well.
The only good news is that Bay himself is not directing the movie. Instead, it’s being farmed out to Jonathan Leibesman, who is best known for directing a movie about a homicidal Tooth Fairy that dislikes photons. (Seriously.) I consider this an improvement.
Nevertheless, I’m excited about the newly leaked plans for Michael Bay’s reboot of Superman, in which a mild mannered Kansas farm boy gets hit by a meteor from the exploding planet Krypton and emerges with super powers. Also, his parents Ma and Pa Kent are killed in the impact, but fortunately he gets foster parents Jor-el and Megan Fox from Krypton, who conveniently arrive to train him to fight Magneto and Skeletor. Also, Superman drives a Chevy. Also, eat shit, Michael Bay.
